Humor Quotes by Douglas Adams

“Ow! My brains!”

— Douglas Adams

Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

— Douglas Adams

“Holy Zarquon, did I ask for an existentialist elevator?”

— Douglas Adams

“First there had been the fridge.”

— Douglas Adams

“He's spending a year dead for tax reasons.”

— Douglas Adams

“Shit!” yelled Arthur as helpfully as he could.”

— Douglas Adams

“The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.”

— Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

— Douglas Adams

“Time,” said Arthur weakly, “is not currently one of my problems.”

— Douglas Adams

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

— Douglas Adams

“If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.”

— Douglas Adams

I think we have different value systems." —Arthur "Well mine's better." —Ford

— Douglas Adams

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is…

— Douglas Adams

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

— Douglas Adams

“There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are Why are people born? Why…

— Douglas Adams

“When we told our guide that we didn't want to go to all the tourist places he took us instead to the…

— Douglas Adams

The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to…

— Douglas Adams

“In other words - and this is the rock-solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation's Galaxywide success is founded -…

— Douglas Adams

“Sawing a lady in half is easy. Sawing a lady in half and then joining her up together again is less easy,…

— Douglas Adams

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore…

— Douglas Adams

“Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware of,…

— Douglas Adams

“Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both…

— Douglas Adams

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly…

— Douglas Adams

“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. The…

— Douglas Adams

“Somewhere in the cosmos, he said, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and superintelligent shades of…

— Douglas Adams

“A doctor, a logician and a marine biologist had also just arrived, flown in at phenomenal expense from Maximegalon to try to…

— Douglas Adams

“The phone wavered in Richard's hand. He was holding it about half an inch away from his ear anyway because it seemed…

— Douglas Adams

“Zaphod left the controls for Ford to figure out, and lurched over to Arthur. "Look, Earthman," he said angrily, "you've got a…

— Douglas Adams

“What did you say, Arthur?" "I said, how the hell did you get here?" "I was a row of dots flowing randomly…

— Douglas Adams

“There were three of them, three police cars left askew across the road in a way that transcended mere parking. It sent…

— Douglas Adams

What's up?" [asked Ford.] I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there.

— Douglas Adams

“After five seconds there was a click, and the entire Universe was there in the box with him.”

— Douglas Adams

“Hey this is terrific!" Zaphod said. "Someone down there is trying to kill us!”

— Douglas Adams

“Si los seres humanos no dejan de hacer ejercicio con los labios, su cerebro empieza a funcionar.”

— Douglas Adams

“Five wild Event Maelstroms swirled in vicious storms of unreason and spewed up a pavement.”

— Douglas Adams

“There was once a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.”

— Douglas Adams

“The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.”

— Douglas Adams

“There was a sort of gallery structure in the roof space which held a bed and also a bathroom which you could…

— Douglas Adams

“Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch. He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness or religion.”

— Douglas Adams

“Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It had some advice to offer…

— Douglas Adams