The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I have tried... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
People do need a social license to go, "Ha ha ha," and have a good time. It's a strange thing. There's a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark...… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
![“[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1cd/dylan-moran-1716_adulthood_adulthood-feels-like-walking-around-in-t_74575.jpg)
![“The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/134/dylan-moran-1716_election_the-sensible-thing-for-everyone-to-do-wo_176038.jpg)
