Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
So here are some foolproof recipes for those of you who understand the true function of food. Bean Treat: Gingerly pour four… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
It's such a bullshit move. Transparently so. It's obviously supposed to give succor to people who feel pissed off because someone from… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
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