What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark...… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand... — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
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