“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Peer-oriented children live in a universe of severely limited and superficial attachments. The quest for sameness being the least vulnerable way of… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Physiological stress, then, is the link between personality traits and disease. Certain traits — otherwise known as coping styles — magnify the… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Human beings have an intuitive understanding of the point at which vulnerability is too much to bear. Vulnerability due to fear of… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The chief and most damaging of the competing attachments that undermine parenting authority and parental love is the increasing bonding of our… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“What is peer orientation? Orientation, the drive to get one's bearings and become acquainted with one's surroundings, is a fundamental human instinct… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Intuitively we all know that it is better to feel than to not feel. Our emotions are not a luxury but an… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Human beings want not only to survive, but also to live. We long to experience life in all its vividness, with full,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Just as an adult-oriented child is more vulnerable in relationship to his parents and teachers, peer-oriented kids are more so in relationship… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The obvious alternative to blaming the parent is to conclude that there is something amiss or lacking in the child. If we… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Vulnerability is usually attacked, not with fists but with shaming. Many children learn quickly to cover up any signs of weakness, sensitivity,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Recognizing that parental responsibility is insufficient for successful child-rearing, but still not conscious of the role of attachment, many experts assume the… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Young children cannot possibly understand the motives of adults. It means little to a young child that the parent feels love for… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The transmission of culture assures the survival of the particular forms given to our existence and expression as human beings. It goes… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The very fact that something is important to us can make our children feel less like doing it. The more we pressure… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“If development unfolds optimally and the child makes headway in becoming her own person, the need for attachment wanes. As it does,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The primary culprit is assumed to be peer rejection: shunning, exclusion, shaming, taunting, mocking, bullying. The conclusion reached by some experts is… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Peer-oriented kids are repelled by similarity to their parents and want to be as different as possible from them. Since sameness means… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“When a child becomes so attached to her peers that she would rather be with them and be like them, those peers,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“More than anything, we have lost the cultural customs and traditions that bring extended families together, linking adults and children in caring… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Our failure to keep our children attached to us and to the other adults responsible for them has not only taken away… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.” — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Many adults have not attained maturity — have not mastered being independent, self-motivated individuals capable of tending their own emotional needs and of respecting… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was different in… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship and to… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Attachment is our connection with the world. In the earliest attachment relationships, we gain or lose the ability to stay open, self-nurturing and healthy.… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply ashamed because… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately, brothers and… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. To share oneself with another and then be misunderstood or rejected is, for… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
