“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Misogyny is a son's outwardly projected rage on a mother who was unable to protect him.” — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The power to parent will be transferred to whomever the child depends on, whether or not that person is truly dependable, appropriate,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Attachment, we have noted, does its work invisibly. People who out of pure instinct have created a good attachment relationship with their… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Young children cannot possibly understand the motives of adults. It means little to a young child that the parent feels love for… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“We have seen that the individual’s brain circuits are decisively influenced by the emotional states of the parents, in the context of… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations. Whatever affected one generation but has not been fully resolved will be passed… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Just as an adult-oriented child is more vulnerable in relationship to his parents and teachers, peer-oriented kids are more so in relationship… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Peer-oriented kids are repelled by similarity to their parents and want to be as different as possible from them. Since sameness means… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The chief and most damaging of the competing attachments that undermine parenting authority and parental love is the increasing bonding of our… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Nowadays it often takes two parents working full-time to secure the same standard of living one wage earner could provide thirty or… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Our failure to keep our children attached to us and to the other adults responsible for them has not only taken away… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The obvious alternative to blaming the parent is to conclude that there is something amiss or lacking in the child. If we… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“What is peer orientation? Orientation, the drive to get one's bearings and become acquainted with one's surroundings, is a fundamental human instinct… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The three conditions without which healthy growth does not take place can be taken for granted in the matrix of the womb:… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The traditional hospital practice of excluding parents ignored the importance of attachment relationships as regulators of the child’s emotions, behaviour and physiology.… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Although parents and teachers are forever telling children to “grow up,” maturation cannot be commanded. One cannot teach a child to be… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Humans never outgrow their need to connect with others, nor should they, but mature, truly individual people are not controlled by these… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The areas of the cortex responsible for attention and self-regulation develop in response to the emotional interaction with the person whom we… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately,… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The attachment voids experienced by immigrant children are profound. The hardworking parents are focused on supporting their families economically and, unfamiliar with… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Recognizing that parental responsibility is insufficient for successful child-rearing, but still not conscious of the role of attachment, many experts assume the… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Attacking family members is all too typical of peer-oriented children, leaving parents and siblings wounded. In most cases, the attacks will not… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Attachment divides the child's world into those the child likes and those the child is indifferent to, those who attract and those… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Many people have concluded that parents cannot be expected to know what to do without formal training. There are all kinds of… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The contrasts between traditional multigenerational cultures and today's North American society are striking. In modern urbanized North America — and in other… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Some parents resist the idea of ADD for fear of seeing their children labeled and categorized. They do not like the idea… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The nuclear family is said to be the basic unit of society but is itself under extreme pressure. Divorce rates have soared.… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“While it is beneficial for a child to feel bad when anticipating a loss of connection with those who are devoted to… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“There is yet another reason why peer-oriented kids are insatiable. In order to reach the turning point, a child must not only… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Just how important a close moment-to-moment connection between mother and infant can be was illustrated by a cleverly designed study, known as… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“In attunement, it is the infant who leads and the mother who follows. “Where their roles differ is in the timing of… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.” — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Many adults have not attained maturity — have not mastered being independent, self-motivated individuals capable of tending their own emotional needs and of respecting… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was different in… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship and to… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Attachment is our connection with the world. In the earliest attachment relationships, we gain or lose the ability to stay open, self-nurturing and healthy.… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply ashamed because… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately, brothers and… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. To share oneself with another and then be misunderstood or rejected is, for… — Gabor Maté Copy Share Image
