I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I dislike both of [candidates] but there's obviously no choice in the election - if you're concerned about the future of anything,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
So here are some foolproof recipes for those of you who understand the true function of food. Bean Treat: Gingerly pour four… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't mind most religious people, I talk to them. I listen to them, you know, banging on. "I prayed very hard… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know... People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
![“I dislike both of [candidates] but there's obviously no choice in the election - if you're concerned about the future of anything, you need to vote for Hillary Clinton.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/644/dylan-moran-1716_candidates_i-dislike-both-of-candidates-but-there-s_1943562.jpg)
![“[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1cd/dylan-moran-1716_adulthood_adulthood-feels-like-walking-around-in-t_74575.jpg)
![“The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/134/dylan-moran-1716_election_the-sensible-thing-for-everyone-to-do-wo_176038.jpg)
