Ifs Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't…

— Jeff Foxworthy

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the…

— Jeff Foxworthy

Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and…

— Jeff Foxworthy

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting,…

— Jeff Foxworthy

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it…

— Jeff Foxworthy

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the…

— Jeff Foxworthy