Comedy Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

— Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

— Jeff Foxworthy

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

— Jeff Foxworthy

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

— Jeff Foxworthy

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

— Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip…

— Jeff Foxworthy