It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I dont watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers; they make me laugh the most. Something… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a theatre comic instead of club comic because I tend to talk for a bit before I… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
People do need a social license to go, "Ha ha ha," and have a good time. It's a strange thing. There's a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers; they make me laugh the most. Something… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
![“[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1cd/dylan-moran-1716_adulthood_adulthood-feels-like-walking-around-in-t_74575.jpg)
![“The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/134/dylan-moran-1716_donald-trump_the-sensible-thing-for-everyone-to-do-wo_176038.jpg)
