Humor Quotes by Rock Cowles

Age is just a number... or three... or both.

— Rock Cowles

If you don't keep your pants on, who will?

— Rock Cowles

Good things come to those who wait in ambush.

— Rock Cowles

Do Mega-Churches have Mega-Pastors?

— Rock Cowles

I prefer popcorn over cop porn.

— Rock Cowles

Never, ever, ever call a lady cop Fatboy.

— Rock Cowles

Instant gratification isn't worth the wait.

— Rock Cowles

Is it Armageddon yet or did I miss it?

— Rock Cowles

I haven't killed anyone all day. Gimme a cookie. Now.

— Rock Cowles

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't push him in.

— Rock Cowles

I know enough to know that I don't know what I don't know.

— Rock Cowles

If women were created from ribs then why do they taste like fish?

— Rock Cowles

I overthink everything except for maybe when...

— Rock Cowles

May you be reincarnated as a cat in a dog park.

— Rock Cowles

I'd have more money than Bill Gates if I could invent a snooze button for bladders.

— Rock Cowles

Fixed income is my new least favorite oxymoron...

— Rock Cowles

I'm a Sit Down Stand Up Comedian, whatever the hell that is. Maybe a writer with a short attention span and one…

— Rock Cowles

I have no clue what Plato was talking about when he said that the unexamined wife was not worth leaving. I don't…

— Rock Cowles

So apparently, I didn't even know you had a birthday. is not a valid excuse for missing one.

— Rock Cowles

God: Hey, Rock! It's me, God! Rock: God? How do I know you're really God? God: I could tell you, but then…

— Rock Cowles

If a famous liberal politician received a fatal swirly, would the rest of them try to ban indoor plumbing or opposable thumbs…

— Rock Cowles

If you can't afford to give something away, you don't own it, it owns you. If you can't afford to sell it,…

— Rock Cowles

Last year the vet told me my dog was getting old and I should put her down so I started calling her…

— Rock Cowles

Why is it easier for some people to believe their ancestors were a clump of mud and a cannibalized body part, than…

— Rock Cowles

What's the most interesting thing about me? Its a toss up between my frolicking, unconventional, and twisted mind and the way I…

— Rock Cowles

Religion: A friend of a friend's brother's ex-girlfriend's dad's former classmate's boss's mother-in-law's co-worker's milkman's pen pal's, medicine man's babysitter's dog said...…

— Rock Cowles

FSM knows I've poked enough bears with sticks and it seems the older I get, the shorter my stick and the quicker…

— Rock Cowles

It wouldn't be nearly as much fun if everyone walked a mile in my shoes. There'd be like arms and legs, peckers…

— Rock Cowles

I have faith in the law of averages. Every day that I can remember, I awoke. I have little reason to believe…

— Rock Cowles

Do Atheists believe in Devils' Advocates?

— Rock Cowles

Is Dr. Atkins the Anti-Pasta?

— Rock Cowles

Don't swallow the blue suppository.

— Rock Cowles

Live wrong and posture.

— Rock Cowles

If it wasn't for me, I wouldn't have anybody.

— Rock Cowles

If Life was fair, we'd all be dead.

— Rock Cowles

Just because we are intelligent doesn't mean we have to act like it!

— Rock Cowles

When all else fails, go back to bed. Repeat as necessary.

— Rock Cowles

I think there is a conspiracy going on to prove that conspiracies exist!

— Rock Cowles

I antagonize people wherever I go. I think it's a mirth defect.

— Rock Cowles

You have a certain quality that is nearly irresistible. I think it's called Spank Appeal.

— Rock Cowles