My Indian name was Runs with Scissors, but eventually the tribe elders changed it to Waves at Dogs. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
If a famous liberal politician received a fatal swirly, would the rest of them try to ban indoor plumbing or opposable thumbs… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Just because you have a Twitter account doesn't mean you should have a Twitter account. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
FSM knows I've poked enough bears with sticks and it seems the older I get, the shorter my stick and the quicker… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I don't tolerate stupidity well although I am more than capable of it myself. Wait, what? — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
God: Hey, Rock! It's me, God! Rock: God? How do I know you're really God? God: I could tell you, but then… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Whenever I meet someone who doesn't seem to have much of a sense of humor I like to lighten things up by… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
You'll make more friends with a blunt rock than with a kind word. Or not. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
You get your cards, place your bets, and play the best game you can. The House always wins. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
You have a certain quality that is nearly irresistible. I think it's called Spank Appeal. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I have a T-shirt that says, Plays Well With Self. It suits me (or at least the top half). — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
So apparently, I didn't even know you had a birthday. is not a valid excuse for missing one. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I think there is a conspiracy going on to prove that conspiracies exist! — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I don't understand half of what you say and the other half doesn't make sense. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Dear Single Internet Women, you DO NOT have an average build if your birthday suit looks like a snowmobile suit! — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
If I ever meet C.S. Lewis in person I will either apologize to him or punch him in the head, depending on… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I've never belonged to any group that didn't have at least one member who wasn't a total dick. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
No greater invention was ever devised for creating the delusion of productivity than the personal computer, except for religion. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Banning guns, drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, political incorrectness, and gay marriage hasn't worked. We should ban Life. So long as even one of us… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
If it shuffles like a zombie, stinks like a zombie, and moans like a zombie, make sure it isn't your mom, then shoot it… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
The first part of preparedness is awareness. Without it, you are toast. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
How come nobody ever talks about getting the long end of the stick? How can you even tell which end is which? — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Music is the timeline of my life. It reminds me of where I have been, who I was with, what I was doing, and… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
Character matters most. It will outlast physical beauty, athleticism, intelligence, and since you can't take it with you, prosperity. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I have no more fear of death than I do of going to sleep. I have no psychotic, PMSing, invisible tyrant in the sky… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
