I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know... People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
![“[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1cd/dylan-moran-1716_adulthood_adulthood-feels-like-walking-around-in-t_74575.jpg)
![“The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.” quote by Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/134/dylan-moran-1716_election_the-sensible-thing-for-everyone-to-do-wo_176038.jpg)
