Stupid people Quotes by George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

— George Carlin

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

— George Carlin

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

— George Carlin

Hooray for most things!

— George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

— George Carlin

Meow” means “woof” in cat.

— George Carlin

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

— George Carlin

"No comment" is a comment.

— George Carlin

I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

— George Carlin

Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

— George Carlin

You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

— George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

— George Carlin

Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.

— George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

— George Carlin

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

— George Carlin

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

— George Carlin

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

— George Carlin

Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.

— George Carlin

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've…

— George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

— George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

— George Carlin

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

— George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

— George Carlin

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

— George Carlin

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for.…

— George Carlin

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over…

— George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them…

— George Carlin

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he…

— George Carlin

Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us.…

— George Carlin

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

— George Carlin

Life is a zero sum game.

— George Carlin

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

— George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

— George Carlin

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

— George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.

— George Carlin

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

— George Carlin

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

— George Carlin

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

— George Carlin

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

— George Carlin

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

— George Carlin