George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
