It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
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