To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
... the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Question it,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are already established in my mind as things I say, things that I'm interested in, things that are fodder for my [stand-up] machine. And when I see something that relates to one of…” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a40/george-carlin-155_broads_most-of-the-note-taking-happens-while-i_754895.jpg)
![“The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself, maybe to the world. I [also] needed to be - not the center of attention - but I needed to be able to attract attention when I wanted it, through my stunts and my fooling around physically…” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/eba/george-carlin-155_able_the-fact-that-i-didn-t-finish-school-lef_1584523.jpg)
![“It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/11c/george-carlin-155_clue_it-was-the-typical-paranoid-experience-t_1705921.jpg)
![“One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/560/george-carlin-155_behavior_one-of-the-effects-it-cocaine-had-on-my_2607653.jpg)
