Giving Quotes by George Carlin

Language always gives you away.

— George Carlin

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

— George Carlin

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

— George Carlin

Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?

— George Carlin

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

— George Carlin

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

— George Carlin

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.

— George Carlin

One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something…

— George Carlin

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full,…

— George Carlin

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they…

— George Carlin

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time…

— George Carlin

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps…

— George Carlin

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get…

— George Carlin

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

— George Carlin

I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why…

— George Carlin

Abraham Maslow said that the fully realized person transcends his local group and identifies with the species. But the election of Ronald…

— George Carlin

The writing is what gives me the joy, especially editing myself for the page, and getting something ready to show to the…

— George Carlin

I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me…

— George Carlin

The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake…

— George Carlin

This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those…

— George Carlin

One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They…

— George Carlin

That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved…

— George Carlin

The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there…

— George Carlin

Let's suppose we all just materialized on Earth and there was a bunch of potatoes on the ground, okay? There's just six…

— George Carlin

It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops…

— George Carlin

You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and…

— George Carlin

There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get…

— George Carlin

It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That…

— George Carlin

The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even…

— George Carlin