Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The writing is what gives me the joy, especially editing myself for the page, and getting something ready to show to the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Let's suppose we all just materialized on Earth and there was a bunch of potatoes on the ground, okay? There's just six… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Abraham Maslow said that the fully realized person transcends his local group and identifies with the species. But the election of Ronald… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
