Long Quotes by George Carlin

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

— George Carlin

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance

— George Carlin

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

— George Carlin

I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.

— George Carlin

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

— George Carlin

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

— George Carlin

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

— George Carlin

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he…

— George Carlin

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn…

— George Carlin

Have you noticed when you wear a hat for a long time it feels like it's not there anymore? And then when…

— George Carlin

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for…

— George Carlin

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a…

— George Carlin

All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World…

— George Carlin

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and…

— George Carlin

I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a…

— George Carlin

The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things…

— George Carlin

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain…

— George Carlin

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would…

— George Carlin

hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays…

— George Carlin

A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality…

— George Carlin

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces…

— George Carlin

I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me…

— George Carlin

Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and…

— George Carlin

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault,…

— George Carlin

They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't…

— George Carlin

I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty,…

— George Carlin

For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases…

— George Carlin

The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period…

— George Carlin

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to…

— George Carlin

I don't understand the problem with paroling Charles Manson? I say set him free and let him get on with his work.…

— George Carlin