I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you noticed when you wear a hat for a long time it feels like it's not there anymore? And then when… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't understand the problem with paroling Charles Manson? I say set him free and let him get on with his work.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance — George Carlin Copy Share Image
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
