Men Quotes by George Carlin

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

— George Carlin

Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?

— George Carlin

The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.

— George Carlin

The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

— George Carlin

I was never a pipe or bong man. That's California stuff. I was an Eastern roller.

— George Carlin

It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.

— George Carlin

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

— George Carlin

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

— George Carlin

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his…

— George Carlin

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

— George Carlin

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

— George Carlin

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always…

— George Carlin

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

— George Carlin

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn…

— George Carlin

There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink…

— George Carlin

Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they…

— George Carlin

So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them,…

— George Carlin

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on…

— George Carlin

I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has…

— George Carlin

Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in…

— George Carlin

Meanwhile, followers of Eastern religions are sitting in the middle of their minds, experiencing a bliss and a level of consciousness that…

— George Carlin

When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion...…

— George Carlin

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized…

— George Carlin

I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and…

— George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of…

— George Carlin

I don't understand a belief that there is an invisible being in the sky who watches over us all the time and…

— George Carlin

I am not a difficult man by any stretch, and I'm saying that with a full and honest inventory going on. I'm…

— George Carlin

I look at it this way... For centuries now, man has done everything he can to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature:…

— George Carlin

The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things…

— George Carlin

Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an…

— George Carlin

All Christian religions are outer-directed. "Who can I convert?" "Let's go to this country and make them Christians." "Wear this." "Do that."…

— George Carlin

An art thief is a man who takes pictures.

— George Carlin

I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.

— George Carlin

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

— George Carlin