“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to attract a potential mate. I’ve already got my mate. I bought her in a mannequin store… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to eradicate the radical element that’s so pervasive and perverse in our society today. I’m talking about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You’ll also need duct tape, an empty car trunk, a getaway driver,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to divide people. All men who oppose me should get on top of the blanket, and all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to offset things likely to set you off. When you start to get hot, just wrap yourself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress the will of the people. Every politician needs to keep this in mind when trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to feed the homeless. I mean warm the coldless. I mean coldsome. I wouldn’t know, because I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to aid a waiter with bringing out a large order of beer. Those customers can drape themselves… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an example for how you should make important decisions. Don’t give me a yes or a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not interested in covering things up. Who do you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a TV screen. How? No—why? Even better—why not? Why not wrap yourself up in your favorite… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to catch a hippopotamus. But you try it out first, and let me know if it works. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fill the night sky with smoke, if you use it to suffocate the fire. And if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
