“A blanket could be used to trap my love in, before it dissipates out into the world. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest customer. Oh, loserest is a word. I know, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. Keep it wrapped tight, because every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an inherently destructive force, if you can just get past the brick stage. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to deliver the darkness on a platter of light. But I’d eat my unborn children straight out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make people smile. But the blanket won’t make just anyone smile—it will make people with no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, and a blanket could be used as a brick, but not very well and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a warm topping on a hamburger, sort of like processed cheese, only tastier and healthier. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a scapegoat. But I’d rather use real goats, because they make better cheese. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to let the world know how serious you are. I’m serious, it could work. Try wrapping your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to conceal. That’s why I recommend the current cast of political bedfellows running this country use one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream on the turbulent river of my subconscious.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to alert your guest when he’s overstayed his welcome. But what’s even more effective would be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put the war in warm. Just paint the blanket like an American flag, and then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
