Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees? — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“Room service? Send up a larger room." [ A Night at the Opera ]” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e77/groucho-marx-788_hotel-rooms_room-service-send-up-a-larger-room-a-nig_2559691.jpg)
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell hi.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
