She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important,… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell hi.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
