If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important,… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you…” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
