A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important,… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here! — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees? — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0f1/groucho-marx-788_1930s_he-may-talk-like-an-idiot-and-look-like_1140430.jpg)
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell hi.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
