Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but youll have to… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees? — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's the only place to get a decent meal. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an…” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0f1/groucho-marx-788_1930s_he-may-talk-like-an-idiot-and-look-like_1140430.jpg)
![“[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A…” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/311/groucho-marx-788_change_mrs-teasdale-he-s-had-a-change-of-heart_1235981.jpg)
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you…” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
