In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
