I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, II have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, II… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
