I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I feel that humor, just like Fred Astaire dance numbers or these lightweight musicals, gives you a little oasis. You are in… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
