Witty Quotes by Groucho Marx

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

— Groucho Marx

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

— Groucho Marx

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important,…

— Groucho Marx

All geniuses die young.

— Groucho Marx

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

— Groucho Marx

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

— Groucho Marx

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

— Groucho Marx

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk…

— Groucho Marx

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

— Groucho Marx

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

— Groucho Marx

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

— Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

— Groucho Marx

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

— Groucho Marx

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

— Groucho Marx

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

— Groucho Marx

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others…

— Groucho Marx

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

— Groucho Marx

Any place I hang my head is home.

— Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

— Groucho Marx

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can…

— Groucho Marx

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

— Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

— Groucho Marx

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

— Groucho Marx

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

— Groucho Marx

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

— Groucho Marx