Inspiration Quotes by Groucho Marx

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

— Groucho Marx

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

— Groucho Marx

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

— Groucho Marx

Hello, I must be going.

— Groucho Marx

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

— Groucho Marx

You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you

— Groucho Marx

I hope they bury me near a strait man

— Groucho Marx

How would you like to feel the way she looks

— Groucho Marx

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar

— Groucho Marx

You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces

— Groucho Marx

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge

— Groucho Marx

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

— Groucho Marx

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

— Groucho Marx

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

— Groucho Marx

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

— Groucho Marx

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

— Groucho Marx

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready…

— Groucho Marx

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

— Groucho Marx

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

— Groucho Marx

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the…

— Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

— Groucho Marx

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

— Groucho Marx

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

— Groucho Marx

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

— Groucho Marx

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

— Groucho Marx

But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

— Groucho Marx

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

— Groucho Marx

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

— Groucho Marx

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

— Groucho Marx

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up

— Groucho Marx

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

— Groucho Marx

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

— Groucho Marx

The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old

— Groucho Marx

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

— Groucho Marx

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

— Groucho Marx

I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down

— Groucho Marx

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement

— Groucho Marx

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

— Groucho Marx

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

— Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

— Groucho Marx