I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell hi.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
