Inspirational Quotes by Groucho Marx

Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

— Groucho Marx

Always examine the dice.

— Groucho Marx

I hope they bury me near a strait man

— Groucho Marx

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

— Groucho Marx

You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you

— Groucho Marx

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

— Groucho Marx

Only if the computers really love each other.

— Groucho Marx

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

— Groucho Marx

Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

— Groucho Marx

Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.

— Groucho Marx

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

— Groucho Marx

I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

— Groucho Marx

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

— Groucho Marx

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

— Groucho Marx

It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.

— Groucho Marx

I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

— Groucho Marx

To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

— Groucho Marx

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

— Groucho Marx

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

— Groucho Marx

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when…

— Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene, not heard.

— Groucho Marx

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

— Groucho Marx

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

— Groucho Marx

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

— Groucho Marx

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

— Groucho Marx

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

— Groucho Marx

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

— Groucho Marx

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up

— Groucho Marx

But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

— Groucho Marx

I shall drink no # wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

— Groucho Marx

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

— Groucho Marx

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

— Groucho Marx

I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books

— Groucho Marx

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

— Groucho Marx

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

— Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

— Groucho Marx

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid…

— Groucho Marx

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

— Groucho Marx