The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
![“He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell hi.” quote by Groucho Marx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/02f/groucho-marx-788_accurate_he-groucho-s-father-had-absolutely-no-tr_22161.jpg)
