Funny Quotes by Groucho Marx · Page 3

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

— Groucho Marx

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

— Groucho Marx

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition…

— Groucho Marx

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

— Groucho Marx

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

— Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

— Groucho Marx

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

— Groucho Marx

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

— Groucho Marx

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

— Groucho Marx

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

— Groucho Marx

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

— Groucho Marx

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those…

— Groucho Marx

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

— Groucho Marx

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

— Groucho Marx

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how…

— Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

— Groucho Marx

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

— Groucho Marx

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

— Groucho Marx

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

— Groucho Marx

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for…

— Groucho Marx

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency…

— Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

— Groucho Marx

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

— Groucho Marx

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

— Groucho Marx

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

— Groucho Marx