Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious - unless he purposely shut… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He done his level best. Was he a mining on the flat.. He done it with a zest.. Was he a leading… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Sage went supperless to bed, and tossed and writhed all night upon a shuck mattress that was full of attentive and interested… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go! — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
