Mark Twain

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

— Mark Twain

Never tell a lie-except for practice.

— Mark Twain

Be good and you will be lonely.

— Mark Twain

Actions speak louder then words.

— Mark Twain

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

— Mark Twain

Ah, if he could only die temporarily!

— Mark Twain

“More men go to church than want to.”

— Mark Twain

One must travel, to learn.

— Mark Twain

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

— Mark Twain

Definite speech means clarity of mind.

— Mark Twain

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.

— Mark Twain

Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.

— Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

— Mark Twain

Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.

— Mark Twain

On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.

— Mark Twain

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.

— Mark Twain

Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow.

— Mark Twain

We often feel sad in the presence of music without words; and often more than that in the presence of music without…

— Mark Twain

When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by…

— Mark Twain

“Health is a habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at…

— Mark Twain

“If you wish to inflict a heartless and malignant punishment upon a young person, pledge him to keep a journal a year.”

— Mark Twain

To one in sympathy with nature, each season, in its turn, seems the loveliest.

— Mark Twain

A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can't travel any way but sideways and…

— Mark Twain

A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

— Mark Twain

“No country can be well governed unless its citizens as a body keep religiously before their minds that they are the guardians…

— Mark Twain

What is the real function, the essential function, the supreme function, of language? Isn't it merely to convey ideas and emotions? Certainly.…

— Mark Twain

“Why, an' thou shouldst live a thousand years thou'dst never hear so masterful a cursing. Alack, her art died with her. There…

— Mark Twain

“I once heard a grouty northern invalid say that a coconut tree might be poetical, possibly it was; but it looked like…

— Mark Twain

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to…

— Mark Twain

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer…

— Mark Twain

“It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together—a longing which shall never perish from…

— Mark Twain

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to…

— Mark Twain

“Satan laughed his unkind laugh to a finish; then he said: "It is a remarkable progress. In five or six thousand years…

— Mark Twain

“Once my imagination persuaded me that the dying man gave me a reproachful look out of his shadowy eyes, and it seemed…

— Mark Twain

Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be…

— Mark Twain

A Christian's first duty is to God. It then follows, as a matter of course, that it is his duty to carry…

— Mark Twain

“I ain’t everybody, and I can’t stand it. It’s awful to be tied up so. And grub comes too easy – I…

— Mark Twain

“At certain periods it becomes the dearest ambition of a man to keep a faithful record of his performances in a book;…

— Mark Twain

“It reminded me of a time thirteen centuries away, when the "poor whites" of our South who were always despised and frequently…

— Mark Twain

“Such incidents usually move me to try to find relief in the building of a maxim. It is a good way, because…

— Mark Twain