Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!" — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!"… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns?… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won! — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you! — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central? — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day -… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
