No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wouldn't laugh at the same s**t. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets, — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you're rich. To me, success… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I've remade a few movies and they all have one thing in common: great endings. If you're going to remake something, make… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit! — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
People basically aren't that racist. They want their laughs. If I make a white guy laugh, he's gonna come see me. He's… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you’re a fat woman, you can play a skinny… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
