Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states could do… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The first lady said about her husband, 'I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.' And today she was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'Id like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was 'going to get worse before it gets better.' See, that's when you know the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Justice Department released e-mails where Walker criticized America. In the e-mails he said he never wanted to set foot in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.'… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As we watched Judge Clarence Thomas's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, all of the commentators said the same thing: 'One of these people… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
While visiting Kenya, former President Clinton was offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter, Chelsea, by a love struck government… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In People magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of Congressmen yesterday were upset when Kenneth Lay took the Fifth. Lay said it wasn't his fault. He had planned… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called ' An Inconvenient Truth. ' It's described as a detailed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, It's like ordering a pizza. Really? What restaurant is he going to?… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
