Men Quotes by Jay Leno

There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up!

— Jay Leno

The Kinsey Institute says gay men have bigger sex organs. Hence the origin of gay pride.

— Jay Leno

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

— Jay Leno

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

— Jay Leno

Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it.

— Jay Leno

You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.

— Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They…

— Jay Leno

A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men…

— Jay Leno

Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the…

— Jay Leno

The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or packages that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going…

— Jay Leno

According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37%…

— Jay Leno

Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had…

— Jay Leno

A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age…

— Jay Leno

I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify…

— Jay Leno

In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was…

— Jay Leno

Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you…

— Jay Leno

Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer…

— Jay Leno

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like…

— Jay Leno

An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is…

— Jay Leno

President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a…

— Jay Leno

President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he…

— Jay Leno

As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for…

— Jay Leno

Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.

— Jay Leno

A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next…

— Jay Leno

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for…

— Jay Leno

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the…

— Jay Leno

The difference between Men and Women is that Men love The 3 Stooges, and Women think they're assholes.

— Jay Leno

Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he…

— Jay Leno

Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that…

— Jay Leno

50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men!

— Jay Leno

Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's…

— Jay Leno

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing…

— Jay Leno

One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living,…

— Jay Leno

Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take…

— Jay Leno

In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press…

— Jay Leno

A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives.…

— Jay Leno

A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good…

— Jay Leno

Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of…

— Jay Leno

A new study finds that women use their whole brain when listening and men only use half of their brain. You see,…

— Jay Leno