Skip to content

Guy Quotes by Jay Leno

49 Guy quotes by Jay Leno

All Guy quotes Jay Leno’s page

When Jay Leno turns his eye to the everyday man, his humor lands with a punchy mix of sarcasm and affection. This set of 49 lines captures his knack for spotting the absurdities and quirks that define the modern guy, giving you a quick, entertaining glance at his take on the topic.

Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

Image

Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn't a car guy

Image

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

Image

An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is…

Image

Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I…

Image

There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever…

Image

Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a…

Image

More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder…

Image

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might…

Image

Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy…

Image

You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.

Image

An intruder broke into Mike Tyson's hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get…

Image

The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand.…

Image

Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4…

Image

The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House…

Image

With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for…

Image

John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale…

Image

The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just…

Image

More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of…

Image

The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the…

Image

A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to…

Image

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey…

Image

The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can…

Image

A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good…

Image

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't…

Image

The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine's Day headquarters. Guys, if that's your Valentine's Day headquarters, you can also…

Image

Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys…

Image

A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got…

Image

The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy?…

Image

A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann…

Image

This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send…

Image

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.

Image

John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take…

Image

After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over…

Image

It seemed that after he was killed, Gadhafi's body was stored at a commercial freezer at a shopping mall. It's one thing…

Image

The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to…

Image

According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and…

Image

Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised…

Image

Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of…

Image

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take "a harder stance" on the death penalty. What's a harder…

Image

Other authors on Guy

More by Jay Leno

If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

Image

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends…

Image

Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.

Image

There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't…

Image

“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn…

Image

Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.…

Image

American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade…

Image

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet…

Image

Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just…

Image

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

Image

The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet…

Image

The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of…

Image

Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have…

Image

Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going…

Image

Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out…

Image