Guy Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

— Jim Gaffigan

I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .

— Jim Gaffigan

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

— Jim Gaffigan

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.

— Jim Gaffigan

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy…

— Jim Gaffigan

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

— Jim Gaffigan

I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit…

— Jim Gaffigan

Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.

— Jim Gaffigan

I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind…

— Jim Gaffigan

My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify…

— Jim Gaffigan

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after…

— Jim Gaffigan

Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching…

— Jim Gaffigan

They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always…

— Jim Gaffigan

I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get…

— Jim Gaffigan

Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and…

— Jim Gaffigan

How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a…

— Jim Gaffigan

I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with…

— Jim Gaffigan

I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in…

— Jim Gaffigan

I love the impatience of New York... You ever had somebody not ask you for directions, but demand them? You're just innocently…

— Jim Gaffigan

I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about…

— Jim Gaffigan

Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my…

— Jim Gaffigan

I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion…

— Jim Gaffigan

How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over…

— Jim Gaffigan

I liked the idea that my character was not gonna be the typical dumb guy that I play, typically. I also loved…

— Jim Gaffigan