When you hear bacon cooking…that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking…that's applause. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them; they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Now the Thanksgiving meal is just so unnecessarily difficult. I mean even mashed potatoes - it's like the most difficult kind of,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“That time period is clearly a season of holidays. A holiday season. No matter what faith you belong to or what tradition… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Chicago deep dish takes forever to cook and costs as much as four New York–style pizzas. Chicago deep dish is a commitment.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday parties. If you complain about how hard it is to get your kid to read, it means you are trying to get your kid to read. If you are complaining about your kid not helping around… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
