Skip to content

Should Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

15 Should quotes by Jim Gaffigan

All Should quotes Jim Gaffigan’s page

When the everyday “should” feels like a punchline, Gaffigan’s jokes cut through the pressure with a grin. These fifteen bits capture his signature dead‑pan style, turning ordinary obligations into laugh‑out‑loud observations that feel surprisingly relatable.

Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

Image

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Image

Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.

Image

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

Image

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Image

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

Image

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy…

Image

Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you…

Image

Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you…

Image

Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when…

Image

People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is…

Image

The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You…

Image

Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you…

Image

You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do…

Image

There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a…

Image

Other authors on Should

More by Jim Gaffigan

“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

Image

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

Image

I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…

Image

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

Image

“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

Image

I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

Image

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

Image

Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

Image

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

Image

“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

Image

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

Image

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

Image

“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if…

Image

“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going…

Image

Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.

Image