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Looks Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

15 Looks quotes by Jim Gaffigan

All Looks quotes Jim Gaffigan’s page

When Jim Gaffigan turns his eye to appearance, the humor lands with a familiar, self‑deprecating twist. Expect a handful of quips that blend everyday reality with his signature deadpan style, giving you a quick, chuckle‑filled look at how we all see ourselves and each other.

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Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.

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I realize I look very hip hop but I'm really more emo with a definite Brazilian flavor.

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You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV.…

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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I…

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You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick…

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If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after…

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We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a…

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I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like…

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They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always…

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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it.…

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When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely…

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Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look…

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I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried…

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You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house,…

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More by Jim Gaffigan

“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…

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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

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“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

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Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

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“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

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“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if…

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“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going…

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Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.

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