Guy Quotes by David Letterman

Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a…

— David Letterman

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

— David Letterman

Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.

— David Letterman

I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

— David Letterman

I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.

— David Letterman

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

— David Letterman

It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy…

— David Letterman

Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit…

— David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took…

— David Letterman

I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing.…

— David Letterman

The latest polls show that Arnold Schwarzenegger is trailing Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante in the polls. That's insane. I mean, think about…

— David Letterman

John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further…

— David Letterman

It's interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want…

— David Letterman

I'm having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to…

— David Letterman

I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a…

— David Letterman

Today is the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln wrote it on his way to the site of the speech on…

— David Letterman

We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We…

— David Letterman

I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet,…

— David Letterman

You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to…

— David Letterman

I think the number one public-relations blunder Osama has made is that he lives in a cave-fortress and if there's one thing…

— David Letterman

You folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's…

— David Letterman

Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said…

— David Letterman

Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.'…

— David Letterman

George W. Bush has a new campaign slogan: "A reformer with results." I don't know what it means [but] I think it's…

— David Letterman

The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does…

— David Letterman

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox…

— David Letterman

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25…

— David Letterman

Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now…

— David Letterman

Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary…

— David Letterman

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.…

— David Letterman

Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking,…

— David Letterman

John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of…

— David Letterman

Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys…

— David Letterman

Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't…

— David Letterman

Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than…

— David Letterman

How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party…

— David Letterman

You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in…

— David Letterman