Clinton Quotes by David Letterman

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's…

— David Letterman

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White…

— David Letterman

Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails.

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

— David Letterman

Congratulations to Bill and Hillary Clinton: this weekend, 33rd wedding anniversary. How about that? And you thought the Iraqi war was a…

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want…

— David Letterman

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25…

— David Letterman

Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee!

— David Letterman

Former President Bill Clinton is on the program tonight. He says that while his wife runs for president, he would like to…

— David Letterman

There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the…

— David Letterman

Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to…

— David Letterman

Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book…

— David Letterman

Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator…

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her…

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the…

— David Letterman

Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of…

— David Letterman

The entire island of Martha's Vineyard has gone Obama crazy. There's even a cocktail that they've named after Barack Obama. It's called…

— David Letterman

Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah's Witnesses finally got fed up…

— David Letterman

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in…

— David Letterman

Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny…

— David Letterman

Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of…

— David Letterman

This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.

— David Letterman

A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I…

— David Letterman

Monday is President's Day and former President Bill Clinton is very excited. He is taking George Bush, Sr. to 'Hooters'. ... George…

— David Letterman

We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting…

— David Letterman

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the…

— David Letterman