Trump Quotes by David Letterman

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

— David Letterman

Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

— David Letterman

How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One.

— David Letterman

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.

— David Letterman

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

— David Letterman

I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

— David Letterman

Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.

— David Letterman

Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.

— David Letterman

God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He's trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the…

— David Letterman

Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick…

— David Letterman

They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please…

— David Letterman

Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized…

— David Letterman

Former President Bill Clinton is on the program tonight. He says that while his wife runs for president, he would like to…

— David Letterman

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad,…

— David Letterman

Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all…

— David Letterman

Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I…

— David Letterman

Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking,…

— David Letterman

You know, we had the elections earlier in the week, and a dead woman, in Pennsylvania, somehow was on the ballot and…

— David Letterman

Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going…

— David Letterman

I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.

— David Letterman

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

— David Letterman

Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.

— David Letterman

They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'

— David Letterman

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'

— David Letterman

I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

— David Letterman

Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.

— David Letterman

This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

— David Letterman

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

— David Letterman

Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.

— David Letterman

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the…

— David Letterman

Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at…

— David Letterman

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's…

— David Letterman

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

— David Letterman