Running Quotes by David Letterman

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

— David Letterman

Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake…

— David Letterman

Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at…

— David Letterman

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a…

— David Letterman

Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running,…

— David Letterman

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

— David Letterman

Former President Bill Clinton is on the program tonight. He says that while his wife runs for president, he would like to…

— David Letterman

By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a…

— David Letterman

The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In…

— David Letterman

Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going…

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the…

— David Letterman

Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to…

— David Letterman

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running…

— David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

— David Letterman

Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United…

— David Letterman

President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time.…

— David Letterman

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce…

— David Letterman

I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch...

— David Letterman

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer…

— David Letterman

Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS?

— David Letterman

Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What…

— David Letterman

Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny…

— David Letterman

Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one.

— David Letterman