In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Marco Rubio announced he's running for president. Fun fact: Marco Rubio's wife is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader. In other words, she… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word 'president.' Political… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People are already talking about the next presidential election. There's stories all over about who might run. At a recent speech, a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won Apprentice. Because nothing says 'not racist' like… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
George Clooney says he's had sex with too many women to ever run for office. He was immediately made Prime Minister of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there's been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
CNN’s Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that’s who we blame for Rick Sanchez. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Barry Bonds in the news. Yesterday Barry Bonds' agent said that Bonds could hit as many as 1,000 home runs. And the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Texas senator and tea party favorite Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He pledged to lead America boldly forward into the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Lindsey Graham is now the seventh Republican running for president. If you're keeping score, that's basically one Republican candidate for every two… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
During last night's Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said that Congress has been spending money like John… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice. Not to be… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
California's 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline '74-Year-Old Boxer,' I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
